August 22, 2019. The day our baby boy was born. The day that’s suppose to be the happiest days of your life. For us that day ended up being one of the scariest days.
When Hudson was born he didn’t take a breath. He didn’t even make a sound. I knew something was up without anyone even saying anything, not that they were... The room was chaotic, but silent all at the same time. It was almost like we were in a movie. As the NICU team stormed our room compressions started, meds were given, still no movement or sounds from Hudson. They left the room. Took him leaving us with no answers or explanation. While my baby boy was suppose to be on my chest skin to skin with his mama, he was surrounded by tons of strangers who were frantically trying to save his life.
Our family rushed into our L&D room. We braced for impact. It didn’t look good. No one was telling us anything. I remember my dad hugging me and asking him, “God’s not going to take him, right?! He was so beautiful.” After what felt like forever, which was really only thirty minutes, the NICU doctor walked in and kneeled down beside my bed, tears filled her eyes as she said “I’m very concerned.” But yet, I was relieved my baby was alive because before she walked in we weren't so sure. We had no idea the journey that lie ahead of us. An hour later the doctor came and grabbed Blake and took him back to see our baby boy. He came back with a picture of Hudson. Laying there lifeless, but alive.
About two hours later my L&D nurse came in with a wheelchair and ask, “Are you ready to go meet your baby?!” I screamed “YES!!!”. I mean was that even a question?! My nurse wheeled me right up to Hudson's NICU bed. He was intubated meaning a ventilator was breathing for him. He had three monitors on to monitor his heart rate, oxygen saturation and breathing rate. He had a IV which was providing him with fluids and medication. They also had to place a catheter in. But, even all hooked up with tubes running everywhere he was so beautiful to me.
After a few days, I was discharged from the hospital. Going home without our baby was gut wrenching. Thanks to the sweet nurse who had Hudson his first night in the NICU we got to take home his little footprints she made us and his hospital blanket. I remember on the way home we stopped and got something to eat through the drive thru. I was scrolling on Instagram trying to keep my mind off the fact that a empty car seat was sitting behind me. It only took a couple of scrolls to find a girl I followed had her baby too and while my baby laid in the NICU, hers was on her chest. I showed it to Blake. Tears running down my face and said “I wanted that so bad!!!” We went home, closed his nursery door and prayed hard while clinging to his blanket. I’d wake up in the middle of the night to pump him milk and wonder how he was doing. The next couple of weeks were hard, but the hardest were those first few days living in the unknown and coming home without him.
They ran so many test on Hudson’s little body. At just five days old we got the results of his MRI. The MRI showed brain damage (about 20%) due to lack of oxygen or blood flow to the brain which is called Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy (HIE for short). We heard the “Quality of Life” speech where a doctor, actually a few, told us our son wouldn’t have a good life and neither would we. We left completely shattered. This was not the news we wanted to hear.
Hudson spent 6.5 weeks in the hospital while trying to get well enough to come home. During that time he came off of all breathing support and started making small improvements. He had surgery to have his G-Tube placed and he is strictly tube fed even today. Since being home we go to physical, occupational and feeding therapy 5x a week. Hudson’s brain damage has lead to other diagnoses such as Cerebral Palsy, CVI and Epilepsy. But, no matter what has come Hudson’s way he has shown he is here to fight. This is not the way we pictured our first year with our boy, but we cherish every moment and take things one day at a time. We are on Hudson’s pace, not the world’s and that’s ok! We still have a LONG road ahead and have no idea what the future hold for us, but we DO know God has a plan for Hudson and we can’t wait to see it unfold. ❤️